What if one in nine kids were hit by cars? Or what if one in nine vehicles got stolen? How about if one in nine packages of meat you bought at the grocery store was spoiled? Or what if one in nine airline flights were suddenly canceled with no explanation? Would any of that make you mad? Of course, it would. So why is it that when one in nine children are sexually abused, they are told to let go of their anger? How would you feel if someone said you should ‘just let go of your anger?’
Well, brace yourselves because study after study – and our collective personal and professional experience – tell us something far more sobering: one in nine girls in the US under the age of 18 will suffer sexual abuse or assault. Yep, one in nine. Some suggest the true figures may be worse. Noted abuse expert and author David Finkelhor, who directs the Crimes Against Children Research Center, has found that one in FIVE girls is a victim of child sexual abuse.
The percentage of boys abused is lower – about one in 20 – but still at levels any reasonable person would call ‘alarming’ or ‘epidemic. But for the sake of simplicity, let’s stick with girls for a moment. An estimated 82% of all child sexual abuse victims under 18 are female. If that’s NOT worth being angry about, we ask, what on earth is?
Common sense tells us permanent, excessive, or inappropriate anger is unhealthy. But common sense – and psychologists – tell us that anger is natural. It often has a positive effect on people, motivating them to stop being trapped in indecisiveness and start acting. A recent news report states that anger helps people achieve their goals. And because so hundreds of thousands of American girls are sexually violated in childhood, shouldn’t we welcome a force that motivates some to fight against this horror? The problem is that many people misunderstand and fear anger. It makes them uncomfortable. They advise others to “let go of” their anger, even if it’s understandable, legitimate, and appropriate, and often serves them and society as a whole very well.
One recent example is Scott Surette, the longtime owner of a home inspection firm. A devout Catholic who once spent “two hours of undivided time” with his local bishop, Surette has just been named to the US bishops National Review Board, a panel that oversees how the church hierarchy deals with clergy sex crimes and cover-ups. In his new role, Surette, according to one news source, “is seeking to repair what Scripture calls the ‘living stones’ that comprise the spiritual house of Jesus Christ.”
All is well and good. He’s a volunteer. He seems sincere and well-intentioned. We at Horowitz Law wish him and the other devout Catholics on that board well. We’re worried about his priorities and his views on anger. Some might accuse us of being simplistic or too single-minded, but we feel quite strongly that ‘repairing’ the church should NOT be this top priority. ‘Repairing’ broken adults is important, of course, but it should be a secondary priority.
Surette’s top priority – and that of this Catholic board as well – should be preventing the abuse of innocent kids. Adults can take care of themselves, even those who’ve suffered horrific abuse. But children cannot protect themselves, especially against shrewd, powerful predators. And we cringe when we see anyone in authority – especially in Catholic circles – talks of healing without even mentioning prevention. That plays into bishops’ well-rehearsed and carefully crafted public relations strategy: Pretend that crimes and cover-ups are all in the past and that all we need now is a bit of ‘repair,’ especially repair of the damage to the church (not ‘repair’ of the real victims: the actual men, women, boys and girls who suffered immeasurably after being raped, fondled or sodomized by Catholic clergy).
But back to anger for a minute. It’s common for people who do wrong to minimize their wrongdoing. Someone who cheats on their taxes is apt to say, “Well, in the grand scheme of things, and given how tax dollars are wasted, I didn’t do anything THAT bad.” Someone who shoplifts from a chain or ‘big box’ store may say, “Come on! Look at the profits of Home Depot or Walmart. My small theft isn’t going to hurt a company of that size.” We all know this is not a morally sound way to operate. It’s a self-serving excuse.
To us at Horowitz Law, when bad actors tell others, ‘Don’t be angry,’ it feels much the same. On one hand, in many cases, it’s good advice. But it’s often advice people who have hurt or betrayed others give to the people they have hurt or betrayed. If you go to a website of famous quotations and enter the word ‘anger’ in the search box, you’ll see that for centuries, plenty of people have opined about the negative effects of anger.
Those who have committed or concealed wrongdoing are especially inclined to counsel us to ‘get over our anger’ and remind us that anger can be corrosive. For example, Albert Einstein said, “Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools.” But anger is also a natural and understandable reaction to being horribly mistreated. It can motivate us to do good for ourselves and others.
Let us close with two of our favorite quotes about anger:
- “There’s nothing wrong with anger, provided you use it constructively.” –Wayne Dyer
- “Sometimes, you have to get angry to get things done.” – Ang Lee
Horowitz Law is a law firm representing victims and survivors of sexual abuse by religious authority figures and other clergy. If you need a lawyer because a member of a religious organization sexually abused you, contact us today at 888-283-9922 or [email protected] to discuss your options today. Our lawyers have decades of experience representing survivors of clergy sexual abuse nationwide. We can help.