Why Church Officials Play the “Gossip Card” to Keep Abuse Concealed

The adult who’s being purportedly harmed, of course, is the alleged perpetrator. The church staffer who hears the report of potential abuse is really more concerned about the reputation of his or her colleague and of the church than about a possible crime. This move, in essence, “flips the script.” It makes the alleged predator – a cleric – into an alleged victim. It prompts otherwise well-meaning people to unfairly shift their sympathies from the potentially abused child to the potentially accused grown-up.

Unfortunately, this happens more than you might expect. It generally doesn’t happen organically. It’s usually a shrewd maneuver launched by the alleged predator’s colleagues, supervisors, or allies, and it works because it’s seemingly based on Gospel passages that disdain ‘gossip.’

Just a few examples:

• An accused Minnesota priest resigned, telling a newspaper that false “innuendo and gossip” destroyed his credibility.
• An accused Massachusetts priest said that sexual abuse reports against him are “nothing but innuendo and insidious gossip.”
• The head of a powerful Catholic group – the College of Cardinals – told a pope, in front of an audience, “The people of God. . .do not allow themselves to be impressed by the petty gossip of the moment.”
• Perhaps most troubling, a pope himself said that faith in God leads one “towards the courage of not allowing one’s self to be intimidated by the petty gossip of dominant opinion.”

We could go on and on. However, a particularly insidious part of this phenomenon deserves more explanation. Take a look at these passages from the Bible:

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29)

“Do not spread false reports.” (Exodus 23:1)

“Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.” (James 4:11)

“Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down.” (Proverbs 26:20)

“Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from telling lies.“ (Psalms 34:13)

Many times, ‘men of God’ sternly cite these sentences to quelch what they consider ‘gossip.’ There is, of course, nothing wrong with any of these verses. Gossip, by definition, is not good. It can hurt people’s feelings. It can spread misinformation. It can create suspicion where none is warranted. It can be petty. It can distract from matters of substance. But. . .and this is a BUT that warrants all caps: Not every ‘negative’ word about a church or a clergy person is wrong, misplaced, or inappropriate, and should be characterized as ‘gossip.’

Especially when those words might just stop or prevent devastating harm to a girl or boy. Especially when an allegation of ‘gossip’ is made in response to or connection with another allegation, one that is far more serious and damaging to one or more far more vulnerable people: children. Let’s be clear on what is and is not ‘gossip.’ Speculating whether or not a pastor may be going on vacation with an adult friend or an adult family member is ‘gossip.’ (A pastor, like anyone, deserves some privacy, especially when it comes to their off-work activities.) Knowing that a pastor is going on vacation with a child to whom he’s not related and telling someone in authority about this is NOT ‘gossip.’ It’s a smart, responsible precaution.  

Another example: Speculating whether or not a cleric is acting appropriately when he compliments a student about her math skills in a classroom in front of other adults is ‘gossip.’ Knowing that this same cleric took the girl out of class, walked her around a corner where no one could see them, and whispered to her, she left visibly upset. . . .that is NOT ‘gossip.’ That is actually a smart, responsible precaution. Why, one must ask, did the cleric feel a need to isolate the girl? Why take her to a place where no adult could see them? Why did the girl seem upset in the moments after their interaction? Are these not worrisome signs that, at a bare minimum, should be investigated? So the take-aways here are simple but important:

• Speak up if you see, suspect, or hear about any ‘red flags’ that might be a sign that a kid is being hurt.
• If you’re met with hostility, keep reporting your concerns until you find someone who seems open-minded and sees your concerns.
• If it’s suggested to you, or you’re told directly, that God frowns on gossip, remind that person that the physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual well-being of an innocent child is at stake here.
• Think hard about what actually is and is not gossip.
• Don’t be cowed or embarrassed or threatened or guilt-tripped by Biblical passages that cast ‘gossip’ in a harsh light.
• And again, for the safety of children, KEEP ON REPORTING WHAT YOU SAW, HEARD, OR SUSPECTED TO PEOPLE IN AUTHORITY, especially those outside of the church hierarchy.